Looking into the mirror….who am i?
As I did some reflections today…the lyrics of Reflections (From Disney Mulan) by Christina Aguilera straight away came into my mind.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
Why is my reflection
Someone I dont know?
Must I pretend that im
Someone else for all time?
Must there be a secret me
Im forced to hide?
I wont pretend that im
Someone else
These words clearly sums up how I felt for the past week or so.
In front of my family members and relatives…in front of certain friends…I somehow will pretend to be a happy-go-lucky person even though deep down I feel the opposite. Many a times…concerned ppl will ask me how I am doing in army or whether I like my vocation or not. Despite how much I hate to lie to myself and them…I would still carry a smile and say so far so good and even try to look on the bright side. However…when I did my reflections today I realised how stupid and fake I have been…something that I despise yet I have been practicising it.
This reflection brought to light something that I still cannot accept at this stage: in life…there will always be times where we will not act like ourselves…instead we bring in identities that are totally opposite of us…sometimes to a point where we dun even know which identity we belong to. We therefore end up showing the fake side of us more frequently…something which I personally hate to do yet often forced to.
I often ask myself…why cant all of us face reality and be who we really want to be? why put on a brave front when u are sad? why pretend to like something when actually it is a thorn in ur flesh? plenty of questions…yet no answers!
Am I really the Ng Cheuk Ho most of you see? Am I who I really am?
